Posted in Mommy & Me

Survival Mode

Hello Everyone!

Boy has it been a tough five months! Since New Year’s Eve, I can assure you I have been the test subject in some divine scientific experiment on how long a human can go without decent sleep hours. My youngest child has definitely pushed me to my parenting limits in ways my oldest never did. I have been struggling with reoccurring double ear infections, cluster feeding, sleep regression, a growth spurt and four new teeth (a total of six now). And that’s just one kiddo!

My first one also has had his share of pushing buttons, as of late. Between trying to keep him active, maintaining my daily schedule and keeping up with preschool, I have become a steaming hot mess. Thank God for Netflix. Oh, yes, go ahead and judge me, I dare you! I am just so happy that my little one has finally started to pay attention too so I can leave them both watching funny kid movies while cleaning up my seemingly, never-ceasing, ever-growing mess I call home.

Not all is bad news, I mean there’s always something negative to focus on, right? Remember that fitness journey I said I wouldn’t be documenting every step of the way? Well, back in January, I was given a free two-week trial to an online workout program. After the trial and a lot of thought, I decided to give it a real chance and start giving myself the care I deserved. Although it was hard because it had been a long while since the last time I exercised (about a year), I managed to make it 40 days into my first program, lost three pounds and imagined myself skinnier. However, this was not encouragement enough to keep me going. In fact, I had given up about three times the last two weeks until I finally convinced myself that my kids were on a mission to keep me fat. One hour sessions were turning into two hours of trying to work out with a fussy baby who demanded nursing when he was supposed to be sleeping. For those skeptics, I had tried working out at 9:30 am after Ethan went off to school, at 5pm while making dinner and the most realistic timing 11:45pm after the baby finally stopped chewing on my ( . ) ( . ) … ugh, seriously I was just plain miserable.

Wait! I thought this was a positive reflection?

Oh! Yes, right. UMMM so where was I? Miserable… yes, I was completely miserable and even tried to sacrifice working out for a few hours of sleep but that too was a complete failure. It seemed like anytime my head touched the pillow and imagined a beautiful night of blissful sleep, my angelic infant sensed it in his soul to fuss and make me more depressed and sleep deprived. All until a few friends suggested a popular gym nearby that offers childcare. Although only four weeks long and three weeks in, I can positively say I have died in every single workout, have felt the motivation to show up every time and can happily say I am down a little over ten pounds from the original weigh in. I feel weaker every time I walk in through those doors, but surprise myself with how much I actually accomplish in just 45 minutes of an intense workout. It’s true I don’t feel stronger at all, but I also cannot deny the progress I have made in such a short time (no matter how small). At the end of next week, I have another focus meeting to determine how much body fat I have lost (if any) and if I have to tweak my nutrition, which I am sure will need assistance.

As fun and amazing as this gym is, however, I feel ready to tackle the home workouts again, mainly so I don’t have to bribe my kids to get dressed and leave this house every day. Though, when we do have the chance to go outside to a park, they have been filled with pure sunshine and calm fun. Check out this photo of the boys on this amazing circular rope swing that I will totally be getting for our future home…

That was just a slice of what I have been dealing with and the reason why I have not been able to post with the desired frequency. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to post again once this kid settles again into a decent sleep schedule. I have read two more books and plan to leave reviews for them along with two more exciting pieces I will like to post sooner than later.

As always have a beautiful day ❤️

Posted in Mommy & Me

Sleep will come

As I rock my baby boy to sleep in his bassinet 15 mins to 1 am, all I can think about is how difficult it will be adjusting to a five day schedule for my toddler’s new school year. How hard it will be to plan a schedule AND actually stick to it. As I rock my baby boy to sleep I dream of sleep myself; so foreign and unobtainable is dear sleep to me. And yet with fewer hours of sleep each night, I am still required to function as a mother, as a wife, as a human being.

What’s worse is when I feel like giving up nursing because he’s using me for comfort (awww cute sleepy face 😑)

When I start to question my life wondering if I’m doing it right,

I don’t mean to pry, but

Why can’t you stay sleeping through the night?

Why must you awaken every ten mins for hours on end?

Why are your cries for me, consoled only by my scent, so endearing?

How do you draw me in with your soft, tiny, baby hands?

How can such little human fingers grasp my heart and squeeze so tight?

Then it all comes flooding back…

It’s only for a moment.

A moment that might be our last,

In our life, in this world.

So I take a deep breath and take you in,

Into my lungs so deep and let you

Onto my side.

I cuddle and embrace you knowing This will only be but a moment

Of need and comfort

Because soon you’ll be a big boy,

A teen and then a man

And though you might never remember

Know I will never forget,

How much you wanted me and how I needed you,

All these restless nights ♥️

Sleep will come, maybe in bits now and later in full but I will continue to love on you little baby until I am no more.

Posted in Mommy & Me

Focus On Your Target

Parenting doesn’t come with a guide book. But, even if you did have a guide book, would it really help? Having a parenting guide book made by someone else might show you how to change to a diaper or how to cook baby food but it might not prepare you on how deal with your child’s character. I have also learned from other moms that having a previous child won’t prepare you for the next one either. 

Each kid is his or her own person. What worked with my mother for me didn’t work the same way for my little sister. And what my mom learned with us both, she couldn’t use on my youngest brother. What worked for my mother isn’t working for me with my own toddler now. So what are we to do beside cross our fingers and pray to God we get it right? 

I can tell you what’s working (and still a work in progress) for me SO FAR… 

Instead of focusing on the CHILD, I have learned to focus on MYSELF. 

Yes, I know it’s our kid doing the yelling, the screaming, the kicking and the nonsense behavior. Sometimes you wonder deeply if maybe you bumped your pregnant belly too hard once before. This is not to say that kids wont be kids but kids can be testy! I  worked about a year in a daycare and I can guarantee you that your kid is smarter than you already. They are simply looking to see what reaction they will get from you whenever something happens. She spilled the milk you just pumped? Did he poop on the bathroom floor even though he’s supposed to be potty-trained for a year? Did she throw a tantrum at the store? Did he poke his little brother in the eye and lied about it? Okay, I get it. All those things can be frustrating to deal with especially when they come grouped all together (can I get an Amen)? But let me let you in on this great secret I discovered, your child(ren) look to you to see how you react to any situation. 

You spilled your drink? Are you cursing up a storm and frustrated at having to clean it up or are you simply upset but can clean it up with a good attitude? 

So, your kid is yelling at you. What is your reaction? Yell back? They yell back again. You yell back louder. Or do you calmly answer them, explaining that if they want to be heard they must communicate properly? And I get it, it doesn’t work 100% of the time but it will help you to not grow old so quickly. #facts. 

It’s so comical to me because it took way too long to realize focusing on yourself can be applied generally with anyone not just parents dealing with their kids. Take it from someone who found it difficult to like people, even though considered a people-person with great people-skills. There was a time that every word out of my mouth was laced with pure sarcasm (pun intended). I had to learn that sarcasm was actually a hypocritical way to express my true feelings and to teach myself to just speak the truth straight forward. Sarcasm had become a way to deal with people that I found frustrating. So much so that it started negatively effecting my good relationships and causing people to not want to speak to me because of it. I was letting other people’s behavior determine the way I reacted or responded and that was the point. No one should determine my behavior, instead my behavior should be determined my values and in turn, that will reflect in the way I respond: calm and collective. 

Restrain yourself. 

Take a whoooosaaaa moment to relax your mind. 

Stop to think about what is important at the present time and if this were your last moment with that person, how would that effect you? Would you have any regrets? Or two years from now would you look back and think, “Ha, ha, ha! I’m so proud of myself for keeping up that unnecessary argument flowing”. Would you have to give an apology to someone you felt didn’t deserve it? Or would you be accepting an apology that was never spoken? We just might never know. And this is not for us to live in constant fear of the unknown but to learn to cherish life for what it is-a gift, more often then not, given to many. And what is more are the very children we struggle to understand. They are our borrowed treasures from heaven. We should re-train ourselves to be patient, loving and compassionate knowing that we too were once that little and had our own struggles with communication and understanding our emotions. 

Even dinosaurs, or should I say, “DinoTrux,” have to learn to refocus their energy so they don’t blow a gasket! Ethan is currently obsessed with this new dinosaur/mechanical truck show on #Netflix called #DinoTrux and they have pretty good life lessons on their episodes. In one episode, the “trux” named Dozer clearly has some anger issues to resolve. Throughout the entire episode, we see him literally causing his own destruction because he’s allowing others to annoy him to the point of breaking down. He gets so frustrated that he is left with just one functioning “tread” rendering him immobile. Dozer had to learn what super-chilled “trux” named George had discovered many years before, the power of the downshift. Harvesting the ability to maintain inner peace in the mist of external chaos. Dozer takes George’s advice to remain calm and pushes pass the commotion brought about to distract him from staying relaxed. At the end of the scene, Dozer is able to get to the mineral baths that will fix the pressure problem caused by the previous frustrating moments allowing him to rejoin the team against the bad guys.

Sounds funny to get life lessons from a kids show, but it’s what we want our children to acquire and it is what we must learn to remember: When you learn to focus on yourself, you focus on the right target. 

<For those of you mildly interested in the episode mentioned above, here is a clip of Dozer learning the power of his downshift>