As I rock my baby boy to sleep in his bassinet 15 mins to 1 am, all I can think about is how difficult it will be adjusting to a five day schedule for my toddler’s new school year. How hard it will be to plan a schedule AND actually stick to it. As I rock my baby boy to sleep I dream of sleep myself; so foreign and unobtainable is dear sleep to me. And yet with fewer hours of sleep each night, I am still required to function as a mother, as a wife, as a human being.
What’s worse is when I feel like giving up nursing because he’s using me for comfort (awww cute sleepy face 😑)
When I start to question my life wondering if I’m doing it right,
I don’t mean to pry, but
Why can’t you stay sleeping through the night?
Why must you awaken every ten mins for hours on end?
Why are your cries for me, consoled only by my scent, so endearing?
How do you draw me in with your soft, tiny, baby hands?
How can such little human fingers grasp my heart and squeeze so tight?
Then it all comes flooding back…
It’s only for a moment.
A moment that might be our last,
In our life, in this world.
So I take a deep breath and take you in,
Into my lungs so deep and let you
Onto my side.
I cuddle and embrace you knowing This will only be but a moment
Of need and comfort
Because soon you’ll be a big boy,
A teen and then a man
And though you might never remember
Know I will never forget,
How much you wanted me and how I needed you,
All these restless nights ♥️
Sleep will come, maybe in bits now and later in full but I will continue to love on you little baby until I am no more.